
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,220

( music playing )

2
00:00:30,020 --> 00:00:32,150

ANNOUNCER: Starring tonight,

Patty Duke,

3
00:00:32,150 --> 00:00:34,070

Carl Reiner,

4
00:00:34,070 --> 00:00:35,230

Virginia Mayo,

5
00:00:35,230 --> 00:00:37,150

John Carradine,

6
00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:39,070

David Wayne,

7
00:00:39,070 --> 00:00:40,140

and Cesar Romero,

8
00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:45,210

( music playing )

9
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,150

Good evening,

10
00:00:54,150 --> 00:00:56,160

A most cordial welcome

11
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:59,080

to a display of canvasses

from which you might call

12
00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:02,090

the Mausoleum School of Art,

13
00:01:02,090 --> 00:01:04,200

subject, a common enough item

14
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:08,070

utilized by teenagers

and tycoons,

15
00:01:08,070 --> 00:01:10,150

The daily journal in which we

notate the happenings

16
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:12,210

of our day to day existence,

17
00:01:12,210 --> 00:01:15,120

but in this instance,

a unique periodical

18
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,110

that doesn't record what was,

19
00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:19,180

but rather

predicts what will be,

20
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:22,030

It's title, "The Diary",

21
00:01:22,030 --> 00:01:23,230

It's our initial offering

22
00:01:23,230 --> 00:01:26,030

in the <i>Night Gallery,</i>

23
00:01:26,030 --> 00:01:29,010

( music playing )

24
00:01:40,110 --> 00:01:42,030

WOMAN ( on TV ):

<i>And on this New Year's Eve,</i>

25
00:01:42,030 --> 00:01:43,220

<i>we come to our last item,</i>

26
00:01:43,220 --> 00:01:45,170

<i>the Holly Schaeffer portfolio</i>

27
00:01:45,170 --> 00:01:48,120

<i>of particularly</i>

<i>unpalatable people,</i>

28
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,040

<i>Tonight's subject,</i>

<i>Miss Carrie Crane,</i>

29
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,160

<i>movie star emeritus,</i>

30
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:55,040

<i>If you're over the age of 50,</i>

31
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,120

<i>the name may tug</i>

<i>at your memory,</i>

32
00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,150

<i>I was never a fan of Miss</i>

<i>Crane's thespic talent,</i>

33
00:02:00,150 --> 00:02:02,040

<i>or lack thereof</i>

34
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,230

<i>and I am currently</i>

<i>less than a fan</i>

35
00:02:03,230 --> 00:02:06,060

<i>of her nocturnal antics,</i>

36
00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:08,170

<i>Said antics of this</i>

<i>somewhat faded</i>

37
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:10,230

<i>and jaded relic</i>

<i>of Max Sennett</i>

38
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:13,010

<i>having to do with</i>

<i>being picked up last night</i>

39
00:02:13,010 --> 00:02:14,220

<i>for drunk</i>

<i>and disorderly conduct</i>

40
00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:16,200

<i>on the Sunset Strip,</i>

41
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:19,000

<i>This is a picture</i>

<i>of the event,</i>

42
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,120

<i>This was her third adventure</i>

<i>in his many weeks,</i>

43
00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,230

<i>Take a look at the calendar,</i>

<i>Carrie, darling,</i>

44
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:26,140

<i>it's December of 1970,</i>

45
00:02:26,140 --> 00:02:28,210

<i>Prohibition has passed us by,</i>

46
00:02:28,210 --> 00:02:31,060

<i>Hollywood is the</i>

<i>Fondas and the Hondas,</i>

47
00:02:31,060 --> 00:02:33,140

<i>It's no longer</i>

<i>Fairbanks and Pickford</i>

48
00:02:33,140 --> 00:02:36,200

<i>and lesser lights,</i>

<i>like Miss Carrie Crane,</i>

49
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,140

<i>so stop acting, Miss Crane,</i>

50
00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:41,180

<i>as if you were</i>

<i>a pushy ingenue on the way up</i>

51
00:02:41,180 --> 00:02:45,020

<i>because you aren't</i>

<i>and you're not,</i>

52
00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:48,080

<i>You're an aging broad who makes</i>

<i>spectacle of herself,</i>

53
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:51,130

<i>like the Wicked Witch</i>

<i>of the West in hot pants,</i>

54
00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:53,170

<i>Elsewhere on this</i>

<i>New Year's Eve,,,</i>

55
00:02:53,170 --> 00:02:55,030

Miss Crane,

56
00:02:55,030 --> 00:02:56,200

I'd recognize you anywhere,

57
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,220

Miss Schaeffer's apartment,

please,

58
00:03:01,190 --> 00:03:03,140

She's having a party

and I can't let anyone up

59
00:03:03,140 --> 00:03:04,190

without her permission,

60
00:03:04,190 --> 00:03:07,080

Uh, maybe, uh,,,

61
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,230

Maybe one exception,

for old time's sake?

62
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:12,040

I just wanna wish

her a happy new year,

63
00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:15,040

Oh, I'd-- I'd like to

accommodate you, Miss Crane,

64
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,160

- but,,,

- Please, it's important to me,

65
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:19,110

I'll just stay a moment,

66
00:03:19,110 --> 00:03:22,110

( music playing )

67
00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:25,070

( indistinct chatter )

68
00:03:25,070 --> 00:03:27,180

( off-key trombone notes

blaring )

69
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,220

( all conversation stops,

music still playing )

70
00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:47,060

Well, look who's here,

71
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,220

Fresh from a triumphant

engagement

72
00:03:48,220 --> 00:03:51,110

with the West Hollywood

drunk tank,

73
00:03:51,110 --> 00:03:54,080

Holly, can't we adjourn this

to another room?

74
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,030

And deny our guests

of a scene

75
00:03:56,030 --> 00:03:58,230

of such potentially

heart-rending melodrama?

76
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,050

Over here, all right,

Miss Crane?

77
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,150

HOLLY: A superb

business manager, my Jeb,

78
00:04:07,150 --> 00:04:09,210

but a lousy showman,

79
00:04:13,150 --> 00:04:16,070

If you two girls

will excuse me,

80
00:04:16,070 --> 00:04:18,080

In case there's

any bloodletting,

81
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,080

I'd just as soon

have a witness,

82
00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:21,210

Now, my darling,

83
00:04:21,210 --> 00:04:24,040

if it's not too presumptuous

of me to ask,

84
00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,080

how did you get up

here uninvited?

85
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,170

The guard downstairs

was very kind,

86
00:04:28,170 --> 00:04:29,190

He remembered me,

87
00:04:29,190 --> 00:04:31,180

Oh, how nice,

88
00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:33,160

Well, he's going to have

an even better reason

89
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,070

to remember you after this,

90
00:04:35,070 --> 00:04:38,110

every Friday

at the unemployment office,

91
00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:40,080

Now, about that package

you're clutching,

92
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,120

don't tell me,

let me guess,

93
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,080

It's a pearl-handled revolver

94
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,000

all primed and loaded,

95
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,010

Nothing quite so lethal,

I regret to say,

96
00:04:49,010 --> 00:04:51,000

HOLLY:

Then a peace offering perhaps

97
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,180

or a bribe?

98
00:04:52,180 --> 00:04:54,230

A little something intended

to lever my foot

99
00:04:54,230 --> 00:04:56,070

from the back of your neck?

100
00:04:56,070 --> 00:04:58,080

How very much

like you, Holly,

101
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,180

to look for motives

in dark places,

102
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:03,160

You give the worst, so that's

what you expect from everyone,

103
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:05,220

Now comes the plaint of lament

104
00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:07,160

about her lost man,

105
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,000

the one I stole,

106
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,210

And what would you call it?

107
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,040

HOLLY: Incredible,

108
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,100

To be on Earth

as long as you have

109
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:16,130

and not to know

that a man isn't stolen,

110
00:05:16,130 --> 00:05:17,200

He's relinquished,

111
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,070

As for the towheaded

bronco rider

112
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,210

who occasionally

squired you about,

113
00:05:21,210 --> 00:05:23,040

you're right,

114
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:27,010

He did sort of

gravitate my way,

115
00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:29,090

But then, that is the way

of the world, isn't it?

116
00:05:29,090 --> 00:05:31,080

The rich get richer,

117
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,080

and the old broads

get older,

118
00:05:34,210 --> 00:05:37,070

And after him,

119
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:39,160

the heir apparent,

120
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,030

Tell me, Mr, Harlan,

121
00:05:41,030 --> 00:05:43,130

is your ex-wife

as philosophical

122
00:05:43,130 --> 00:05:45,110

as I'm supposed to be?

123
00:05:47,110 --> 00:05:50,030

No, As a matter of fact,

she's not,

124
00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:55,140

If either of you

need a tourniquet,

125
00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:57,080

I'll be outside,

126
00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:03,100

Well,

127
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:05,040

in a life already notorious

128
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,210

for spectacular booboos,

129
00:06:06,210 --> 00:06:09,110

you've hit an all-time high,

130
00:06:09,110 --> 00:06:12,100

If you thought tonight's

telecast was something,

131
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:14,140

catch me tomorrow,

132
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:17,100

Well, before you heave me out

on my ear, Holly,

133
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:18,210

aren't you the least

bit curious

134
00:06:18,210 --> 00:06:20,100

to know what's

in this package?

135
00:06:21,220 --> 00:06:24,030

It's a diary, Holly,

136
00:06:24,030 --> 00:06:26,110

I bought it in

an obscure little shop,

137
00:06:26,110 --> 00:06:29,020

They sell

funny little things,

138
00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:32,010

Curios, potions,

talismans,

139
00:06:32,010 --> 00:06:35,180

all sorts of peculiar

little items,

140
00:06:35,180 --> 00:06:38,060

I paid an enormous

sum of money for it,

141
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,040

Words cannot

adequately describe

142
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,030

my profound,,,

143
00:06:46,030 --> 00:06:48,020

emotions,

144
00:06:48,020 --> 00:06:50,110

Good night, grandmother,

145
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:53,090

( "Auld Lang Syne" playing )

146
00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:59,130

( indistinct chatter )

147
00:07:29,010 --> 00:07:30,120

"New Year's Day,

148
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,200

"a bummer all the way around,

149
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,230

"Can't shake

that miserable disquiet

150
00:07:34,230 --> 00:07:36,150

"over Crane's suicide,,,

151
00:07:39,190 --> 00:07:42,230

"and how typically hambone

to do it on New Year's Eve,

152
00:07:42,230 --> 00:07:46,080

"Can't make it in life,

so do it in death,

153
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,070

"But even so,

an ugly little preface

154
00:07:48,070 --> 00:07:50,000

to what I hope

is a better new year,"

155
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,190

It's my handwriting,

but I didn't write it,

156
00:07:54,030 --> 00:07:55,230

( screams )

157
00:07:55,230 --> 00:07:58,050

( alarmed shouts, murmurs )

158
00:08:07,210 --> 00:08:10,050

( whistle blows )

159
00:08:12,170 --> 00:08:15,150

( music playing )

160
00:08:40,210 --> 00:08:42,200

HOLLY: Jeb,

161
00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:51,200

Hey, go back to sleep,

162
00:08:55,210 --> 00:08:57,220

Only the milkmen

are up and about,

163
00:08:57,220 --> 00:09:01,050

I can't,

I couldn't,

164
00:09:01,050 --> 00:09:02,220

What about you?

Did you sleep at all?

165
00:09:02,220 --> 00:09:06,120

Oh, in spurts,

It wasn't easy,

166
00:09:08,050 --> 00:09:10,060

Well, it's morning,

167
00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:11,230

a new day,

168
00:09:11,230 --> 00:09:14,140

Explain it to me,

169
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:16,010

Explain what?

170
00:09:16,010 --> 00:09:18,030

What you couldn't explain

last night,

171
00:09:18,030 --> 00:09:21,100

I have never

written in this diary,

172
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:22,200

and Carrie Crane

had no sooner left

173
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,190

when the first page

was filled in,

174
00:09:24,190 --> 00:09:27,040

And then minutes later,

she walks in front of a car,

175
00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:29,080

Holly,

176
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,000

No honey, I don't--

I don't wanna be held

177
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,100

and I don't wanna be humored,

178
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:33,130

I want answers,

179
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,080

Please don't look at me

as if you can't decide

180
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,200

whether to flag

the next elevator

181
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,230

or book me a reservation

in a rubber room,

182
00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:43,220

A simple answer

183
00:09:43,220 --> 00:09:46,190

to an impossible question,

184
00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:48,210

how did an entry

in my handwriting

185
00:09:48,210 --> 00:09:50,030

appear in this diary

186
00:09:50,030 --> 00:09:52,000

describing a suicide

187
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,180

before it even happened?

188
00:09:55,170 --> 00:09:58,060

She planted it

in your mind, darling,

189
00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:01,160

Something she said,

190
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,050

the way she acted,

191
00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:04,070

that's why you wrote it,

192
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:05,180

I didn't write it,

193
00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:07,230

I tell you,

I never touched that thing,

194
00:10:07,230 --> 00:10:10,140

Holly, what other explanation

is there?

195
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,170

I guess you're right,

196
00:10:16,170 --> 00:10:19,200

There's my girl,

197
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,000

We'll just leave it at that

198
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,100

and forget it, agreed?

199
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:28,140

I'm gonna go put on

some coffee,

200
00:10:28,140 --> 00:10:29,230

If your head is half

as big as mine is,

201
00:10:29,230 --> 00:10:32,040

we're both

red-blanket cases,

202
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,020

I never did like

that broad anyway,

203
00:10:34,020 --> 00:10:36,140

She was a vindictive lush,

204
00:10:36,140 --> 00:10:38,190

You know what she called me?

205
00:10:38,190 --> 00:10:41,040

A direct quote, my dear,

206
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:43,150

She said I was a malignant

cross breed

207
00:10:43,150 --> 00:10:45,190

between a vulture

and a hotel dick,

208
00:10:47,090 --> 00:10:49,160

Well, she's dead anyway,

so who cares?

209
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:52,120

Holly,

210
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,000

Yeah?

211
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,200

You said only the first page

was filled in, right?

212
00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:00,130

HOLLY: That's right,

213
00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:02,220

Well, the second page

is filled in too,

214
00:11:12,050 --> 00:11:14,010

"January 2nd,

215
00:11:14,010 --> 00:11:16,000

Didn't work last night,

216
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,060

"should've gone to the desert

or up to Arrowhead,

217
00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:20,110

"but no sun in one

and no snow in the other,

218
00:11:20,110 --> 00:11:22,110

"so just stayed home,

219
00:11:22,110 --> 00:11:25,060

To top everything off,

the phone was out of order,"

220
00:11:27,010 --> 00:11:29,020

I didn't write that either,

221
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,100

( music playing )

222
00:11:41,180 --> 00:11:43,080

Oh, I'll help you with those,

Miss Schaeffer?

223
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,030

You just sit where you are,

Georgie Porgie,

224
00:11:45,030 --> 00:11:46,140

The last time

you got into the act,

225
00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:48,140

I wasn't too crazy

about the results,

226
00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:50,160

Well, I wanted to apologize

about Miss Crane the night

227
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,220

before last, but she said

she had this present for you,

228
00:11:52,220 --> 00:11:54,180

- HOLLY: Yeah,

- A terrible thing,

229
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,040

Terrible,

230
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:59,200

She was a real beauty

in her time,

231
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,050

Well, that day has long

232
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:03,150

fled the premises,

Georgie,

233
00:12:03,150 --> 00:12:05,000

so you just remember that

the next time

234
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,080

you feel your heart melting

235
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,140

over some antique

has-been, hmm?

236
00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:11,150

I don't care if they wheel in

a gift-wrapped Rolls-Royce,

237
00:12:11,150 --> 00:12:14,010

You keep them out of my digs,

238
00:12:14,010 --> 00:12:16,050

You read me, Georgie?

239
00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:20,120

Yes, ma'am,

240
00:12:25,230 --> 00:12:27,110

Oh, Miss Schaeffer,

241
00:12:27,110 --> 00:12:29,140

I thought you was

at the television studio,

242
00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:31,120

Say again?

243
00:12:33,010 --> 00:12:34,160

I figured you'd be

at the studio by now

244
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,170

getting ready to tape

your show,

245
00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:37,200

Oh, there's plenty

of time yet,

246
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,100

I've got

at least an hour,

247
00:12:43,140 --> 00:12:45,030

I want this thing burned,

248
00:12:47,130 --> 00:12:49,040

Did you say burn?

249
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,040

Burned,

250
00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,160

incinerated, cremated,

251
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,120

And finish up later,

will you?

252
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,120

WOMAN: How much later,

Miss Schaeffer?

253
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:00,230

I was hoping to get home

a little early tonight,

254
00:13:00,230 --> 00:13:02,100

All right, then,

255
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,080

Just leave it

and do it tomorrow,

256
00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:09,000

( gasps )

257
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,200

Miss Schaeffer,

are you all right?

258
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,030

I busted it,

259
00:13:14,030 --> 00:13:17,020

I busted the telephone,

260
00:13:22,110 --> 00:13:25,010

HOLLY: Well, you've listened

to my bizarre little tale,

261
00:13:25,010 --> 00:13:27,140

What's your professional

assessment, Doctor?

262
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,170

Do I have the necessary

requirements

263
00:13:29,170 --> 00:13:31,220

for a tour of duty

on that couch over there?

264
00:13:33,170 --> 00:13:36,060

You make it sound like

a punishment, Miss Schaeffer,

265
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:39,010

HOLLY: Well, coming here

wasn't my idea, it was Jeb's,

266
00:13:39,010 --> 00:13:41,080

Mr, Harlan's,

267
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,180

Soft, gentle,

268
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:45,090

friendly persuasion,

269
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:47,060

Go get your head examined,

lover,

270
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,170

You say there have been

two notations

271
00:13:52,170 --> 00:13:54,200

predicting future events

272
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,070

and all these events

came to pass?

273
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,060

A suicide,

274
00:13:59,060 --> 00:14:01,210

my phone being out of order,

275
00:14:01,210 --> 00:14:04,050

and missing tonight's show,

276
00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:07,120

You canceled your show,

Miss Schaeffer,

277
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,090

in order that I might

fit you in,

278
00:14:09,090 --> 00:14:11,130

It was entirely

your own doing,

279
00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:12,190

Had you waited until tomorrow,

280
00:14:12,190 --> 00:14:15,020

gone ahead

and done your program,

281
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,140

then you would've

foiled the prophecy,

282
00:14:17,140 --> 00:14:19,060

Is this not true?

283
00:14:19,060 --> 00:14:21,010

And the other things,

284
00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:23,140

you're gonna tell me that those

were of my own doing too?

285
00:14:26,050 --> 00:14:28,090

It was you who dropped

the telephone,

286
00:14:28,090 --> 00:14:30,110

If nothing else,

you must admit

287
00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:32,060

that you've been a very

288
00:14:32,060 --> 00:14:34,190

cooperative accomplice,

289
00:14:34,190 --> 00:14:36,090

Next, you'll have me convinced

290
00:14:36,090 --> 00:14:38,090

that I pushed Carrie Crane

in front of that car,

291
00:14:43,130 --> 00:14:45,140

Well, that's what they'd

like you to believe, isn't it?

292
00:14:45,140 --> 00:14:47,100

Suicide?

293
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:50,090

It's their parting gift,

an act of punishment,

294
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:53,120

They'd like us to feel

responsible for their death,

295
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,220

DR, MILL: It can be,

sometimes,

296
00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:58,150

In this case, I'm inclined

to agree with you,

297
00:14:58,150 --> 00:15:02,000

The explanation

is insufficient to our needs,

298
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,050

That's wonderful, Doctor,

299
00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:06,140

Thirty-five bucks an hour

to find out something

300
00:15:06,140 --> 00:15:08,120

that I knew before I came

through that door,

301
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,020

Oh, I'm not without a theory,

302
00:15:11,020 --> 00:15:13,030

There have been cases

like this, Miss Schaeffer,

303
00:15:13,030 --> 00:15:15,190

They're not covered

by psychiatry, however,

304
00:15:15,190 --> 00:15:17,020

Well what then?

305
00:15:17,020 --> 00:15:19,070

It has to do with

certain forms

306
00:15:19,070 --> 00:15:22,010

of clairvoyance, telepathy,

307
00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:24,070

An area called hyperesthesia,

308
00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:28,040

That'd make a great

lounge act in Vegas,

309
00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:31,070

If instead of appearing

in your diary

310
00:15:31,070 --> 00:15:32,210

you had actually seen it,

311
00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:34,120

had visions of it,

312
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,110

I think we might call it

313
00:15:36,110 --> 00:15:39,000

paranormal precognition,

314
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,080

It's rare,

315
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,000

but it's not unheard of,

316
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,090

In your case,

I think what's happening

317
00:15:45,090 --> 00:15:48,130

is an altogether

subconscious compulsion

318
00:15:48,130 --> 00:15:51,050

to write these visions down,

319
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:55,020

with no recollection, however,

of having done so,

320
00:15:56,130 --> 00:15:58,180

That's the weenie, hmm?

321
00:15:58,180 --> 00:16:02,040

My subconscious

is the culprit,

322
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,130

Thank you very much, Doctor,

323
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,230

The next time I have a problem,

324
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,100

I'll take it

to <i>Popular Mechanics,</i>

325
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,200

Your hour isn't up yet,

326
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:10,050

That's okay,

327
00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:13,040

Keep the change,

328
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,060

You spoke earlier

329
00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:17,000

of the accusations

330
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,010

Miss Crane leveled at you,

331
00:16:20,010 --> 00:16:22,200

Wouldn't you like

to explore those?

332
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,180

In walks Sigmund Freud,

333
00:16:24,180 --> 00:16:25,200

Did I hate my mother?

334
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,060

Did I love my father?

335
00:16:27,060 --> 00:16:30,050

What's my position

on women's lib?

336
00:16:30,050 --> 00:16:32,060

Look, I'll give you

Holly Schaeffer

337
00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:34,180

in one terse,

cogent paragraph,

338
00:16:34,180 --> 00:16:36,140

I grew up

in a tenement building,

339
00:16:36,140 --> 00:16:37,230

I had to scrounge

for what I got,

340
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,060

Nobody gave me anything,

341
00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:40,210

I had to take it,

342
00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:42,000

And that included?

343
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,130

Everything,

344
00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:45,020

And no guilts, Doctor,

345
00:16:45,020 --> 00:16:47,100

No guilts at all,

346
00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:48,120

I see,

347
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,030

You see?

348
00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:52,040

You see nothing,

349
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,000

You think you see,

350
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,130

The classic guilt

neurosis--

351
00:16:56,130 --> 00:16:59,080

the lady

is a predatory grabber,

352
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:00,130

lady can't face it,

353
00:17:00,130 --> 00:17:02,060

lady would like to hide it

354
00:17:02,060 --> 00:17:03,220

in her subconscious,

355
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:05,040

Lady sublimates it

356
00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,190

by making kooky entries

in a diary,

357
00:17:07,190 --> 00:17:10,130

and has no idea--

358
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:20,050

"January 3rd,

359
00:17:20,050 --> 00:17:22,050

"A black day,

360
00:17:22,050 --> 00:17:24,060

"Jeb is gone,

361
00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:27,170

"A man I loved wiped out

for no good reason,

362
00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:29,150

"I can't live with his death,

363
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,000

"I can't live with

a knowledge that somehow,

364
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,220

"in a manner both

mysterious and unfathomable,

365
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:38,160

"I was responsible,

366
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,150

"This whole thing must end,

367
00:17:40,150 --> 00:17:41,230

"I can endure no more of it,

368
00:17:41,230 --> 00:17:44,070

"The wrong people are dying,

369
00:17:44,070 --> 00:17:46,010

"I may be able

to justify my sins,

370
00:17:46,010 --> 00:17:48,230

"but I can no longer

forgive them,

371
00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:51,220

Dear, God, After this,

how do I live with myself?"

372
00:17:58,030 --> 00:17:59,210

Where is he?

Where's Mr, Harlan?

373
00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:02,200

He was--he was gone

over an hour ago,

374
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,060

In fact,

he should be landing

375
00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:05,200

in San Francisco about now,

Miss Schaeffer,

376
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,230

San Francisco?

377
00:18:06,230 --> 00:18:08,100

Uh-hmm, Business,

378
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:10,140

In fact, some of your

investments, I believe,

379
00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:12,030

My--

380
00:18:12,030 --> 00:18:13,110

look, I've got to reach him,

381
00:18:13,110 --> 00:18:15,040

I got to talk

to him immediately,

382
00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:16,180

I don't see how,

383
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:18,020

I don't even know

what hotel he stopped at,

384
00:18:18,020 --> 00:18:19,130

You see, he left so suddenly

385
00:18:19,130 --> 00:18:21,200

there was not even time

to make reservations,

386
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,180

Look, I've got to talk to him,

Don't you understand that?

387
00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:26,200

Well, I'm sure

he'll be telephoning in

388
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,040

tomorrow morning,

389
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,140

first thing,

390
00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:31,040

Yes, of course he will,

391
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,000

Well, look, when he calls,

392
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,180

you tell him to stay put,

393
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:36,220

not to leave that hotel

for anything,

394
00:18:36,220 --> 00:18:38,080

You've got to tell him that,

395
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:39,220

Miss Schaeffer,

if you could just tell me

396
00:18:39,220 --> 00:18:41,070

what this is all about,

perhaps,,,

397
00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:43,120

Oh, I'll tell you

what it's about,

398
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:45,190

You tell him that if

he doesn't anchor himself

399
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,060

to some real estate tomorrow,

400
00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,180

he's gonna wind up

in the obituaries,

401
00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:50,150

Tell him that's the way

it is in the diary,

402
00:18:50,150 --> 00:18:51,190

You've got

to tell him that!

403
00:18:51,190 --> 00:18:53,180

You've got to tell him,

404
00:18:53,180 --> 00:18:55,080

You've just got to tell

him that,

405
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,000

Somebody's got to tell him,

406
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,040

You've got to tell him,

407
00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,200

Tell him, tell him, tell him,

408
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,000

( whispered voice echoing )

You've got to tell him,

409
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,020

tell him, tell him, tell him,

410
00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:04,010

You mustn't blame yourself,

411
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,030

You were hysterical,

412
00:19:05,030 --> 00:19:06,170

I couldn't control you,

413
00:19:06,170 --> 00:19:08,210

I thought perhaps

if he were here--

414
00:19:08,210 --> 00:19:11,050

So when he phoned me

last night,

415
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:12,160

anxious to know

416
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:16,030

how our consultation

had gone,

417
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:19,120

I expressed my concern to him,

418
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:21,210

He was on his way

to the San Francisco airport

419
00:19:21,210 --> 00:19:23,000

when it happened,

420
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,010

He was killed instantly,

421
00:19:28,190 --> 00:19:32,030

Everything I touch turns

to graveyards,

422
00:19:32,030 --> 00:19:33,180

Everything,

423
00:19:33,180 --> 00:19:35,050

He phoned me,

424
00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:37,160

I was the reason

he was hurrying back, not you,

425
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,140

Because of me, Doctor,

426
00:19:39,140 --> 00:19:41,070

Don't you see?

427
00:19:41,070 --> 00:19:45,070

Because of me,

428
00:19:45,070 --> 00:19:47,130

I'm 29 years old,

429
00:19:47,130 --> 00:19:48,200

and in all those years,

430
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,150

I've only loved once, Jeb,

431
00:19:51,150 --> 00:19:53,190

Just Jeb, no one else,

432
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,230

I think if he'd asked me

pretty please,

433
00:19:56,230 --> 00:19:58,220

I'd have died for him,

434
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:05,170

Tell me, Doctor,

435
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:09,070

What have I got to show

for those 29 years?

436
00:20:10,190 --> 00:20:13,210

A fancy high-rise apartment,

437
00:20:13,210 --> 00:20:16,030

catalog of victims,

438
00:20:16,030 --> 00:20:19,010

and a growing

list of corpses,

439
00:20:20,130 --> 00:20:22,100

That's a pretty

pathetic inventory,

440
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:24,100

wouldn't you say?

441
00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:26,020

Miss Schaeffer,,,

442
00:20:26,020 --> 00:20:27,210

Maybe I'll retire television's

443
00:20:27,210 --> 00:20:29,170

foremost hatchet lady,

444
00:20:29,170 --> 00:20:32,070

Put my talent--

what did you call it,,,

445
00:20:32,070 --> 00:20:34,220

precognition--

to more productive use,

446
00:20:34,220 --> 00:20:36,140

The ponies maybe,

447
00:20:36,140 --> 00:20:38,070

Pimlico, Hialeah,

448
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,180

Saratoga, Hollywood Park,

449
00:20:40,180 --> 00:20:42,070

All I have to do

is look in the diary,

450
00:20:42,070 --> 00:20:43,200

check the winners

451
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,100

and make my bets,

452
00:20:45,100 --> 00:20:48,190

It's like having a copy

of tomorrow's newspaper,

453
00:20:48,190 --> 00:20:49,220

How can I lose?

454
00:20:49,220 --> 00:20:52,050

Nine horses, nine winners,

455
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,140

What is it?

456
00:21:00,140 --> 00:21:03,010

There's nothing written in it,

457
00:21:03,010 --> 00:21:05,060

January 4 is a blank page,

458
00:21:05,060 --> 00:21:06,210

Miss Schaeffer,

throw that thing way,

459
00:21:06,210 --> 00:21:07,230

Get rid of it,

460
00:21:07,230 --> 00:21:11,070

What good would that do?

461
00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:13,080

Do you think

for a moment that

462
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,180

I don't realize

what this means?

463
00:21:17,130 --> 00:21:20,100

Just because there's nothing

written on this page

464
00:21:22,010 --> 00:21:24,090

doesn't signify

that it bears no meaning,

465
00:21:24,090 --> 00:21:27,130

Last entry, January 3rd,

466
00:21:27,130 --> 00:21:30,010

"The wrong people are dying,

467
00:21:30,010 --> 00:21:33,020

Dear, God, After this,

how do I live with myself?"

468
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,150

Can't you understand

now why it's blank?

469
00:21:39,150 --> 00:21:41,130

Last entry,

470
00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:43,150

Holly gives it to Holly,

471
00:21:43,150 --> 00:21:45,030

You dig, shrink?

472
00:21:45,030 --> 00:21:47,060

Next entry, nothing,

473
00:21:50,150 --> 00:21:53,210

The page is blank

474
00:21:53,210 --> 00:21:56,230

because I won't be alive

to write in it,

475
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:00,030

Not after tomorrow,

476
00:22:05,210 --> 00:22:07,170

Nurse?

477
00:22:07,170 --> 00:22:10,220

Nurse, I've got to see

Dr, Mill,

478
00:22:10,220 --> 00:22:13,060

You've got

to get him for me,

479
00:22:13,060 --> 00:22:16,020

Nurse?

480
00:22:16,020 --> 00:22:19,010

Do you hear me?

481
00:22:19,010 --> 00:22:21,030

Nurse, are you there?

482
00:22:21,030 --> 00:22:22,050

Can't you hear me?

483
00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:25,020

Get me Dr, Mill,

484
00:22:25,020 --> 00:22:27,170

Nurse!

485
00:22:27,170 --> 00:22:30,100

I didn't wanna disturb you,

Doctor, but I,,,

486
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:33,150

Dr, Mill!

I've got to see Dr, Mill!

487
00:22:33,150 --> 00:22:36,040

That has been going on

all evening,

488
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,070

I'll look in on it,

489
00:22:52,090 --> 00:22:53,170

Yes, Miss Schaeffer?

490
00:22:56,130 --> 00:22:58,000

Schaeffer?

491
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,020

Never heard of her,

492
00:23:00,020 --> 00:23:03,130

Nobody here

but us historical figures,

493
00:23:03,130 --> 00:23:05,000

Me?

494
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,130

I'm Napoleon's

favorite mistress,

495
00:23:06,130 --> 00:23:08,080

Next door, we have Delilah,

496
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,210

who's planning the grand opening

of a men's barber shop,

497
00:23:10,210 --> 00:23:13,010

Down the hall, there's a lady

who recites a lot,

498
00:23:13,010 --> 00:23:15,180

goes by the name

of Sarah Bernhardt,

499
00:23:15,180 --> 00:23:19,150

- Just historical figures,

( giggles )

500
00:23:19,150 --> 00:23:23,030

Historical,

historical figures!

501
00:23:23,030 --> 00:23:25,020

The nurse said

you were calling for me,

502
00:23:27,060 --> 00:23:29,170

It's almost 12:00,

503
00:23:29,170 --> 00:23:32,060

In a few minutes,

it's gonna be January 5th,

504
00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:34,020

I know,

505
00:23:34,020 --> 00:23:36,070

Well, I asked the nurse

for a pen or a pencil

506
00:23:36,070 --> 00:23:38,020

and she wouldn't

let me have it,

507
00:23:38,020 --> 00:23:39,140

DR, MILL: You know why,

Miss Schaeffer,

508
00:23:39,140 --> 00:23:41,090

Coming here was your idea,

509
00:23:41,090 --> 00:23:43,090

You laid down

the ground rules,

510
00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:44,110

No sheets,

511
00:23:44,110 --> 00:23:45,140

no ropes,

512
00:23:45,140 --> 00:23:46,180

no silverware,

513
00:23:46,180 --> 00:23:48,150

no plates, nothing sharp,

514
00:23:48,150 --> 00:23:50,020

No instruments at all

515
00:23:50,020 --> 00:23:52,030

with which you might do

yourself bodily harm,

516
00:23:52,030 --> 00:23:54,160

I know,

517
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,040

but I've been thinking

about it,

518
00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:00,020

Maybe I was wrong,

519
00:24:00,020 --> 00:24:02,200

See, I just assumed

520
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:05,080

when I read that last entry

in the diary

521
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,020

that because

the page was blank,

522
00:24:07,020 --> 00:24:10,080

I was automatically

gonna do myself in,

523
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:14,130

But I ruled out the prospect

of natural causes,

524
00:24:14,130 --> 00:24:16,030

A heart attack,

525
00:24:16,030 --> 00:24:18,040

a massive cerebral hemorrhage,

526
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,210

an unexpected aneurism,

527
00:24:20,210 --> 00:24:24,010

You're in perfect

physical health, Miss Schaeffer,

528
00:24:24,010 --> 00:24:25,210

You read about it every day,

529
00:24:25,210 --> 00:24:28,080

People with no past

medical history

530
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,040

all of a sudden dropping dead,

531
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,180

so don't tell me

it can't happen to me,

532
00:24:31,180 --> 00:24:34,100

It can and it will unless--

533
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,070

But I can beat the rap,

534
00:24:43,070 --> 00:24:46,010

I have a plan,

I have it all figured out,

535
00:24:46,010 --> 00:24:48,210

It's so simple,

it's crazy,

536
00:24:48,210 --> 00:24:52,090

I mean, I don't know why

I didn't think of it before,

537
00:24:52,090 --> 00:24:55,090

The page is blank, yes?

538
00:24:55,090 --> 00:24:57,050

Don't you see?

539
00:24:57,050 --> 00:25:00,020

I mean, it's so obvious,

540
00:25:00,020 --> 00:25:03,000

it's ridiculous,

541
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,030

All I have to do

542
00:25:05,030 --> 00:25:06,060

is write something

543
00:25:06,060 --> 00:25:09,040

on that blank page,

544
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:10,230

I don't have to die,

545
00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:13,040

I can write anything,

546
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:14,210

Anything at all,

547
00:25:14,210 --> 00:25:16,100

If I write on the page,

548
00:25:16,100 --> 00:25:18,120

it means nothing happened to me,

549
00:25:18,120 --> 00:25:20,050

don't you see?

550
00:25:20,050 --> 00:25:24,050

I mean, how could I write

something if I was already dead?

551
00:25:24,050 --> 00:25:27,130

Doctor, in 10 minutes

552
00:25:27,130 --> 00:25:29,220

it's going to be 12:00,

553
00:25:29,220 --> 00:25:31,070

For God's sake,

554
00:25:31,070 --> 00:25:34,010

please get me a pen,

555
00:25:34,010 --> 00:25:36,150

I'll be right back,

556
00:25:44,180 --> 00:25:45,230

In the upper right-hand drawer,

557
00:25:45,230 --> 00:25:47,050

you'll find a pen,

558
00:25:47,050 --> 00:25:48,150

Would you give it to me, please?

559
00:25:48,150 --> 00:25:49,170

All right,

560
00:25:49,170 --> 00:25:51,120

Are you going to let her

have it?

561
00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:53,090

MILL: You're new on this ward,

aren't you?

562
00:25:53,090 --> 00:25:55,010

I--it's my first shift,

563
00:25:55,010 --> 00:25:56,180

I thought so,

Otherwise, you'd know,

564
00:25:56,180 --> 00:25:58,090

we give her a pen every evening,

565
00:25:58,090 --> 00:26:00,110

Every evening, Doctor?

566
00:26:00,110 --> 00:26:02,110

MILL: Yes, Miss Schaeffer

has been a patient

567
00:26:02,110 --> 00:26:03,160

at this sanitarium

568
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,110

going on five years now,

569
00:26:06,110 --> 00:26:08,010

HOLLY: Hurry, Doctor,

570
00:26:08,010 --> 00:26:09,130

hurry!

571
00:26:14,020 --> 00:26:16,050

Yes, Miss Schaeffer,

572
00:26:16,050 --> 00:26:17,070

I'm hurrying,

573
00:26:17,070 --> 00:26:20,050

( music playing )

574
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,070

Oh, 7:00 already,

575
00:26:52,070 --> 00:26:53,150

I haven't realized

it was so late,

576
00:26:53,150 --> 00:26:56,020

- Well, this is the last one,

- Okay,

577
00:27:11,100 --> 00:27:12,170

DRACULA: If you do not mind,

578
00:27:12,170 --> 00:27:15,000

I have this thing about mirrors,

579
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,070

Oh, won't you sit down,

please,

580
00:27:17,070 --> 00:27:18,100

DRACULA: Oh, thank you,

581
00:27:18,100 --> 00:27:19,210

This won't take long,

582
00:27:19,210 --> 00:27:20,210

Your name, please?

583
00:27:20,210 --> 00:27:22,110

Count Dracula,

584
00:27:23,220 --> 00:27:25,000

WOMAN: Your address?

585
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:26,140

DRACULA: Post Office Box 13,

586
00:27:26,140 --> 00:27:29,100

Bistritz, Transylvania,

587
00:27:29,100 --> 00:27:31,150

This is most generous of you,

588
00:27:31,150 --> 00:27:34,100

Your, uh, do I say highness?

589
00:27:34,100 --> 00:27:36,160

Your Eminence will suffice,

590
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,060

Your Eminence,

591
00:27:38,060 --> 00:27:40,140

After all, it's not often

that we get people

592
00:27:40,140 --> 00:27:42,220

of your station in life,

593
00:27:42,220 --> 00:27:45,020

especially foreign visitors

to our sunny shores,

594
00:27:45,020 --> 00:27:47,030

Which is a shame

because the cause,

595
00:27:47,030 --> 00:27:49,190

as you well know,

is a worthy one,

596
00:27:49,190 --> 00:27:54,010

Oh, I can think

of none worthier,

597
00:27:54,010 --> 00:27:55,020

( chuckles )

598
00:27:57,140 --> 00:28:00,100

You, uh, keep looking

at our equipment,

599
00:28:00,100 --> 00:28:02,130

There's nothing to be afraid of,

you know,

600
00:28:02,130 --> 00:28:03,210

Afraid?

601
00:28:03,210 --> 00:28:05,130

Me?

602
00:28:05,130 --> 00:28:07,030

Good,

603
00:28:07,030 --> 00:28:08,140

Well, it's just that some people

604
00:28:08,140 --> 00:28:10,010

are trifle squeamish

605
00:28:10,010 --> 00:28:11,120

on their first visit,

606
00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:13,020

DRACULA: Oh, young lady,

607
00:28:13,020 --> 00:28:15,150

I am never squeamish,

608
00:28:15,150 --> 00:28:17,140

Oh, good,

609
00:28:17,140 --> 00:28:19,110

because after all

it is only one pint,

610
00:28:19,110 --> 00:28:21,150

Oh, but one pint will not do,

611
00:28:21,150 --> 00:28:23,230

- Won't do?

- Better make it three,

612
00:28:23,230 --> 00:28:25,010

Three?

613
00:28:25,010 --> 00:28:26,120

Oh, Your Eminence,

614
00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:28,110

it's most commendable of you

615
00:28:28,110 --> 00:28:30,000

but I'm afraid it's impossible,

616
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,160

Oh, I can see that this

617
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,130

is the first time you've given,

618
00:28:33,130 --> 00:28:36,140

Uh, there appears

to be a slight misunderstanding,

619
00:28:36,140 --> 00:28:38,030

- Your Eminence?

- Young lady,

620
00:28:38,030 --> 00:28:39,180

this is a blood bank?

621
00:28:39,180 --> 00:28:40,200

Certainly,

622
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:43,220

DRACULA: Uh, well, then,

623
00:28:43,220 --> 00:28:47,080

I wish to apply for a loan,

624
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:50,060

( music playing )

625
00:28:55,090 --> 00:28:58,050

Our painting reminds us that

there's a strange fascination

626
00:28:58,050 --> 00:29:01,090

of digging holes

alongside ancient oaks,

627
00:29:01,090 --> 00:29:02,110

You give the average man

628
00:29:02,110 --> 00:29:04,170

a shovel and an X on a map,

629
00:29:04,170 --> 00:29:07,050

and the fantasies

come thick and fast--

630
00:29:07,050 --> 00:29:10,000

pirate gold,

hidden confederate treasure,

631
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:11,220

and sometimes the unexpected,

632
00:29:11,220 --> 00:29:14,020

and sometimes, the unwelcome,

633
00:29:14,020 --> 00:29:16,130

Hence, the title,

"Big Surprise",

634
00:29:16,130 --> 00:29:19,110

( music playing )

635
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:40,080

JASON: Uh-oh, There he is,

636
00:29:47,210 --> 00:29:50,010

- What do you think he wants?

- Why don't you ask him?

637
00:29:50,010 --> 00:29:51,120

DAN: Are you kidding?

I wouldn't go near him

638
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,090

for a million dollars,

639
00:29:53,090 --> 00:29:54,090

Has anybody ever gone there?

640
00:29:54,090 --> 00:29:56,190

Not unless they were crazy,

641
00:29:56,190 --> 00:29:58,130

HAWKINS: Come here,

I have something to tell you,

642
00:29:58,130 --> 00:30:00,060

He means you, Chris,

643
00:30:00,060 --> 00:30:01,130

Does not,

644
00:30:01,130 --> 00:30:03,230

HAWKINS:

You, with the blue jacket,

645
00:30:05,070 --> 00:30:07,060

- See, he does mean you,

- So, what?

646
00:30:07,060 --> 00:30:08,100

Don't be afraid, lad,

647
00:30:08,100 --> 00:30:10,030

I won't hurt you,

648
00:30:10,030 --> 00:30:11,090

Go on,

649
00:30:11,090 --> 00:30:13,000

See what he wants,

650
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,020

- You chicken?

- Shut up,

651
00:30:15,020 --> 00:30:16,140

HAWKINS: I won't hurt you,

652
00:30:16,140 --> 00:30:19,080

Come here,

653
00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:20,100

JASON: Well, go on,

654
00:30:20,100 --> 00:30:21,150

He is a chicken,

655
00:30:21,150 --> 00:30:23,050

I am not,

656
00:30:23,050 --> 00:30:25,080

Go talk to him then,

657
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:26,130

HAWKINS: Hey,

658
00:30:26,130 --> 00:30:27,150

JASON: Go on,

659
00:30:27,150 --> 00:30:28,170

You're so brave,

660
00:30:28,170 --> 00:30:30,100

why don't you do it?

661
00:30:30,100 --> 00:30:31,210

JASON: Trying to get out of it?

662
00:30:31,210 --> 00:30:33,030

I'm not trying to get out

of anything,

663
00:30:33,030 --> 00:30:34,050

Then, do it,

664
00:30:34,050 --> 00:30:36,100

( music playing )

665
00:30:36,100 --> 00:30:38,040

All right,

666
00:31:01,090 --> 00:31:04,190

That's it--that's it, lad,

667
00:31:04,190 --> 00:31:07,050

Come a little closer,

668
00:31:07,050 --> 00:31:10,030

( music playing )

669
00:31:16,010 --> 00:31:18,130

You're not afraid

of old Mr, Hawkins, are you?

670
00:31:20,030 --> 00:31:21,190

I'm not afraid of anything,

671
00:31:21,190 --> 00:31:23,070

That's a lad,

672
00:31:24,090 --> 00:31:26,010

What's your name?

673
00:31:26,010 --> 00:31:27,060

Chris,

674
00:31:27,060 --> 00:31:29,190

Well, Chris,

675
00:31:29,190 --> 00:31:32,200

how would you like

a big surprise?

676
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,100

Huh?

677
00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:36,090

You know where

Miller's Field is?

678
00:31:38,050 --> 00:31:40,030

You know where that

great big oak tree is?

679
00:31:42,060 --> 00:31:44,060

Go to that tree,

680
00:31:44,060 --> 00:31:45,220

face the steeple of the church,

681
00:31:45,220 --> 00:31:48,010

- you understand?

- Yeah,

682
00:31:48,010 --> 00:31:50,120

Walk ten paces,

683
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,080

dig down four feet,

684
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:54,060

understand?

685
00:31:54,060 --> 00:31:56,010

Walk ten paces,

686
00:31:56,010 --> 00:31:58,010

dig down four feet,

687
00:31:59,210 --> 00:32:01,010

And there you'll find

688
00:32:01,010 --> 00:32:03,230

a great big surprise,

689
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,140

( laughs )

690
00:32:13,170 --> 00:32:15,040

Don't forget,

691
00:32:16,170 --> 00:32:18,060

JASON: What did he say?

692
00:32:18,060 --> 00:32:20,210

CHRIS: ( inaudible )

693
00:32:20,210 --> 00:32:22,030

JASON: Oh, come on, man

694
00:32:22,030 --> 00:32:24,170

( inaudible )

695
00:32:24,170 --> 00:32:26,220

( music playing )

696
00:32:31,110 --> 00:32:33,000

CHRIS: Do you think

there's something down there,

697
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:34,230

- really?

- JASON: Nah,

698
00:32:34,230 --> 00:32:37,120

There's nothing down there,

699
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,130

CHRIS:

Why did he tell me there was?

700
00:32:39,130 --> 00:32:41,030

JASON: He's pulling a prank,

701
00:32:41,030 --> 00:32:42,200

CHRIS: Yeah, but why?

702
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,150

What could it do to him?

703
00:32:44,150 --> 00:32:46,100

He wouldn't know if we dug

the hole or not,

704
00:32:46,100 --> 00:32:47,210

He's always at home,

705
00:32:47,210 --> 00:32:49,080

How do you know?

706
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:50,220

CHRIS:

Because he's always there,

707
00:32:50,220 --> 00:32:52,230

Have you ever seen him leave?

708
00:32:52,230 --> 00:32:54,070

Has anybody?

709
00:32:54,070 --> 00:32:55,210

It's a prank,

710
00:32:55,210 --> 00:32:58,100

Yeah, Well, what if it isn't?

711
00:32:58,100 --> 00:33:01,030

All right, Then, what is it?

712
00:33:01,030 --> 00:33:02,130

Well, suppose

it's money down there,

713
00:33:02,130 --> 00:33:04,070

Did he say there was?

714
00:33:04,070 --> 00:33:06,140

Well, he wouldn't say,

715
00:33:06,140 --> 00:33:08,070

He'd just let you find it, huh?

716
00:33:08,070 --> 00:33:09,230

And after you found it,

you go running back

717
00:33:09,230 --> 00:33:11,130

and give it to him, I suppose,

718
00:33:11,130 --> 00:33:12,150

Yeah, I would,

719
00:33:12,150 --> 00:33:14,040

Like fun you would,

720
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:15,180

And he knows it,

721
00:33:15,180 --> 00:33:17,110

That's why there's no money

down there,

722
00:33:17,110 --> 00:33:19,140

- BOY: What if there is, though?

- What?

723
00:33:19,140 --> 00:33:20,230

No, really,

724
00:33:20,230 --> 00:33:22,120

He's old, ain't he?

725
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:24,140

Maybe money don't mean nothing

to him anymore,

726
00:33:24,140 --> 00:33:25,230

Maybe he's one of those

crazy guys

727
00:33:25,230 --> 00:33:27,130

who likes to give money

to people

728
00:33:27,130 --> 00:33:29,220

because it makes him feel good,

729
00:33:29,220 --> 00:33:31,180

Well, there's only one way

we can find out,

730
00:33:31,180 --> 00:33:32,200

What are you going to dig with,

731
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:35,020

your hands?

732
00:33:35,020 --> 00:33:36,040

We'll go borrow some shovels

733
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,120

from Miller's barn,

734
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:39,150

You want to?

735
00:33:39,150 --> 00:33:40,230

We'd be wasting our time,

736
00:33:42,110 --> 00:33:44,120

CHRIS: I'm going to do it,

737
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:45,220

DAN: Me, too,

738
00:33:45,220 --> 00:33:48,080

Waste of time,

739
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:59,150

( music playing )

740
00:33:59,150 --> 00:34:01,190

One, two,

741
00:34:01,190 --> 00:34:04,000

three, four,

742
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,090

five, six,

743
00:34:06,090 --> 00:34:08,190

seven, eight,

744
00:34:08,190 --> 00:34:11,120

nine, ten,

745
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,150

( music playing )

746
00:34:21,170 --> 00:34:23,140

Stupid,

747
00:34:41,030 --> 00:34:44,010

( panting )

748
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,010

You dig a while now,

749
00:34:54,150 --> 00:34:56,000

You don't dig, you don't share,

750
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:57,020

Share what?

751
00:34:57,020 --> 00:34:58,150

There's nothing down there,

752
00:34:58,150 --> 00:35:00,110

Then why don't you just go home?

753
00:35:03,020 --> 00:35:04,150

Get out of the way, then,

754
00:35:20,110 --> 00:35:22,160

- Well, how about you?

- I've been digging!,

755
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:25,080

Well, dig some more,

756
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:28,030

I'm not going to do it

all by myself, you know,

757
00:35:28,030 --> 00:35:31,010

( music playing )

758
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,050

It's four-feet deep,

759
00:36:24,050 --> 00:36:25,070

It is not,

760
00:36:25,070 --> 00:36:26,090

It is,

761
00:36:26,090 --> 00:36:27,110

No,

762
00:36:27,110 --> 00:36:28,180

JASON: It is,

763
00:36:28,180 --> 00:36:30,160

I told you

he was pulling a prank,

764
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:33,190

He's probably rolling

on his floor right now,

765
00:36:33,190 --> 00:36:36,110

laughing like crazy

thinking of us,

766
00:36:36,110 --> 00:36:38,180

And you out here digging

this stupid hole,

767
00:36:38,180 --> 00:36:40,140

It's not four-feet yet,

768
00:36:40,140 --> 00:36:42,180

It is four-feet,

769
00:36:42,180 --> 00:36:44,060

and I'm clearing out,

770
00:36:47,180 --> 00:36:49,110

You do that, and you're not

going to be able share,

771
00:36:49,110 --> 00:36:51,210

Share, what? Dirt?

772
00:36:51,210 --> 00:36:53,150

Are you coming?

773
00:36:53,150 --> 00:36:56,130

( wind whooshing )

774
00:36:59,230 --> 00:37:02,190

CHRIS: Then, you're not going

to get the share either,

775
00:37:02,190 --> 00:37:04,000

Come on, let's go to my house

776
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,230

and get something to eat,

777
00:37:06,230 --> 00:37:09,060

CHRIS: Don't come running back

to me after I find it,

778
00:37:09,060 --> 00:37:12,010

JASON: What a jerk,

779
00:37:12,010 --> 00:37:14,140

You'll be sorry,

780
00:37:14,140 --> 00:37:17,000

So long, digger,

781
00:37:18,060 --> 00:37:20,010

( wind whooshing )

782
00:37:50,210 --> 00:37:51,230

Dig another foot,

783
00:37:51,230 --> 00:37:54,220

( music playing )

784
00:37:58,140 --> 00:38:00,090

( sarcastically )

Can we have some, Chris?

785
00:38:01,110 --> 00:38:04,110

No, it's mine, All mine,

786
00:38:04,110 --> 00:38:07,090

( music playing )

787
00:38:21,180 --> 00:38:24,000

( thud )

788
00:38:28,150 --> 00:38:29,220

Hey,

789
00:38:32,210 --> 00:38:34,100

Why should I?

790
00:38:59,210 --> 00:39:01,180

( creaking )

791
00:39:14,220 --> 00:39:17,100

Surprise,

792
00:39:17,100 --> 00:39:21,180

( laughing )

793
00:39:21,180 --> 00:39:24,160

( music playing )

794
00:39:31,050 --> 00:39:33,020

Our final offering,

795
00:39:33,020 --> 00:39:34,210

a study in depth of a gentleman

796
00:39:34,210 --> 00:39:37,000

from the academe,

797
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:38,100

seen here at the lectern

798
00:39:38,100 --> 00:39:41,020

delivering the most

scholarly treatise,

799
00:39:41,020 --> 00:39:42,130

This particular class,

800
00:39:42,130 --> 00:39:44,140

I don't think

you'd want to cut,

801
00:39:44,140 --> 00:39:46,010

The painting's title,

802
00:39:46,010 --> 00:39:48,180

"Professor Peabody's

Last Lecture,"

803
00:39:48,180 --> 00:39:51,160

( music playing )

804
00:40:01,110 --> 00:40:04,090

( bell tolling )

805
00:40:17,110 --> 00:40:19,010

PEABODY: During the past term,

we have covered

806
00:40:19,010 --> 00:40:22,030

the field of pagan

religious cults,

807
00:40:22,030 --> 00:40:24,140

Taking in such

far-ranging subjects

808
00:40:24,140 --> 00:40:27,030

as Kali, the Druids,

809
00:40:27,030 --> 00:40:29,070

Thoth, Adramelech,

810
00:40:29,070 --> 00:40:31,030

the Dionysian Mysteries,

811
00:40:31,030 --> 00:40:33,020

Obeah and the Red Voodoo Sect,

812
00:40:33,020 --> 00:40:36,110

Satanism, Moloch, Efreet,

813
00:40:36,110 --> 00:40:39,030

the East Indian Benjies,

814
00:40:39,030 --> 00:40:40,160

and the Magna Mater,

815
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:43,090

All of them viewed

from the perspective

816
00:40:43,090 --> 00:40:45,140

of an enlightened 20th Century--

817
00:40:45,140 --> 00:40:47,010

how patently barbaric,

818
00:40:47,010 --> 00:40:49,200

And if I may say so, childish,

819
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,020

Childish, that is, in the sense

it's childish to believe

820
00:40:52,020 --> 00:40:54,180

that Clark Kent,

in the guise of Superman,

821
00:40:54,180 --> 00:40:56,180

can leap over tall buildings

822
00:40:56,180 --> 00:40:58,170

in a single bound,

823
00:41:00,180 --> 00:41:02,200

Yes, Mr, Bloch?

824
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,170

Were they really

so childish, sir?

825
00:41:04,170 --> 00:41:07,090

Superstition had a way

of explaining things,

826
00:41:07,090 --> 00:41:10,030

Things that otherwise were too,

uh, bewildering,

827
00:41:10,030 --> 00:41:12,020

too frightening to face,

828
00:41:12,020 --> 00:41:14,210

Balderdash, superstition is

and always has been

829
00:41:14,210 --> 00:41:17,110

a bottleneck in the path

of progress,

830
00:41:17,110 --> 00:41:19,110

Primeval man was out

making sacrifices

831
00:41:19,110 --> 00:41:20,230

to non-existing gods

832
00:41:20,230 --> 00:41:22,100

when he should

have been directing

833
00:41:22,100 --> 00:41:25,160

his energies to harnessing

the elements,

834
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:28,050

Now, where was I?

835
00:41:28,050 --> 00:41:30,030

Oh, yes, this should

interest you, Mr, Bloch,

836
00:41:30,030 --> 00:41:32,040

since it illustrates my point,

837
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:33,060

We will, this afternoon,

838
00:41:33,060 --> 00:41:35,110

discuss what is indisputedly

839
00:41:35,110 --> 00:41:37,180

the most outlandishly

preposterous

840
00:41:37,180 --> 00:41:39,150

of all the ancient cults,

841
00:41:39,150 --> 00:41:42,100

One which inexplicably

took root about, uh,

842
00:41:42,100 --> 00:41:43,210

well, as recently

as 50 years ago

843
00:41:43,210 --> 00:41:46,000

in Arkham, Massachusetts,

844
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:49,000

I refer to the worship

of a group of obscure gods

845
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:52,170

known as the Great Old Ones,

846
00:41:52,170 --> 00:41:55,170

Uh, you know, as incredibly

bizarre as it may seem to

847
00:41:55,170 --> 00:41:58,180

us now sitting here in our

air-conditioned classrooms,

848
00:41:58,180 --> 00:42:01,030

no advanced study

of comparative religion

849
00:42:01,030 --> 00:42:04,090

would be complete without

a brief examination of them,

850
00:42:04,090 --> 00:42:06,130

if only for the laughs,

851
00:42:08,070 --> 00:42:10,050

Well, now I have here,

852
00:42:10,050 --> 00:42:13,040

you will observe,

a list of names,

853
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,130

These are the so called

major gods,

854
00:42:16,130 --> 00:42:18,010

How they arrived

at their pecking order

855
00:42:18,010 --> 00:42:19,030

is anybody's guess,

856
00:42:19,030 --> 00:42:20,150

Perhaps they won their stripes

857
00:42:20,150 --> 00:42:22,170

in some antediluvian crap game,

858
00:42:25,230 --> 00:42:27,120

Nyarlathotep,

859
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:29,020

Nyarlathotep,

860
00:42:29,020 --> 00:42:31,030

the "Crawling Chaos,"

861
00:42:31,030 --> 00:42:32,100

Reputedly the first deity

862
00:42:32,100 --> 00:42:34,090

worshiped in Olden Egypt,

863
00:42:35,180 --> 00:42:38,150

Umr at-Tawil,

"The Most Ancient One,"

864
00:42:38,150 --> 00:42:40,180

whose terrible powers

have been feared

865
00:42:40,180 --> 00:42:44,040

by all the world

since Loma arose from the sea

866
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:45,130

and the children of fire

867
00:42:45,130 --> 00:42:48,110

came to teach

the elder law to men,

868
00:42:48,110 --> 00:42:51,160

Reads rather like a press

agent's handout, doesn't it?

869
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:53,090

Providing he was

on lysergic acid

870
00:42:53,090 --> 00:42:54,150

at the time he wrote it,

871
00:42:54,150 --> 00:42:56,190

( thunder rumbles )

872
00:42:56,190 --> 00:42:59,070

Next, we have Hastur,

873
00:42:59,070 --> 00:43:00,180

"The Unspeakable,"

874
00:43:00,180 --> 00:43:02,160

- DERLETH: Sir?

- Yes, Mr, Derleth,

875
00:43:04,190 --> 00:43:06,110

Perhaps, I'm mistaken

876
00:43:06,110 --> 00:43:08,120

but, I've done a little outside

reading on this subject,

877
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:10,040

And isn't the god

you just mentioned,

878
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,020

isn't it

a punishable blasphemy

879
00:43:12,020 --> 00:43:14,180

to speak his name aloud?

880
00:43:14,180 --> 00:43:17,000

Punishable by who, Mr, Derleth?

881
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,060

Having unwittingly committed

the fatal faux pas,

882
00:43:19,060 --> 00:43:21,120

am I now to expect

the midnight visitation

883
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:23,180

from some tentacled monstrosity

884
00:43:23,180 --> 00:43:25,110

from beyond the stars?

885
00:43:25,110 --> 00:43:27,090

I sincerely hope not,

Mr, Derleth,

886
00:43:27,090 --> 00:43:29,190

My wife and I have

just installed new carpeting,

887
00:43:29,190 --> 00:43:31,160

( class chuckles )

888
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:34,060

Yes, Now, as I was saying

before Mr, Derleth,

889
00:43:34,060 --> 00:43:37,060

with commendable solicitude,

chose to interrupt,

890
00:43:37,060 --> 00:43:39,080

we have Great Hastur,

891
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,040

who I might point out

892
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,080

is a half-brother to Cthulhu,

893
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:44,110

the next name

894
00:43:44,110 --> 00:43:46,100

on our prestigious list--

895
00:43:46,100 --> 00:43:49,010

Lord of the R'lyeh, Cthulhu,

896
00:43:49,010 --> 00:43:50,130

Every time I pronounce

that name,

897
00:43:50,130 --> 00:43:52,210

I'm tempted to say "gesundheit,"

898
00:43:52,210 --> 00:43:55,120

( thunder rumbling )

899
00:43:55,120 --> 00:44:00,010

Uh, Cthulhu actually

predates Nyarlathotep

900
00:44:00,010 --> 00:44:02,030

and is said to have been

worshiped in the ( inaudible )

901
00:44:02,030 --> 00:44:03,190

by the first humans,

902
00:44:03,190 --> 00:44:06,090

Then, there's dear old Azathoth,

903
00:44:06,090 --> 00:44:08,230

( Powerful rumbling )

904
00:44:11,010 --> 00:44:14,000

Lord of all Things,

905
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:15,070

Shub-Niggurath,,,

906
00:44:15,070 --> 00:44:18,110

( powerful rumbling )

907
00:44:18,110 --> 00:44:20,190

wife to Hastur,

908
00:44:20,190 --> 00:44:22,020

Oh, sorry, Mr, Derleth,

909
00:44:22,020 --> 00:44:24,020

I said that name again,

910
00:44:24,020 --> 00:44:26,010

I must remember to tell my wife

to set places

911
00:44:26,010 --> 00:44:28,210

for two unexpected guests,

912
00:44:28,210 --> 00:44:31,090

And finally,

last but not least,

913
00:44:31,090 --> 00:44:32,230

Yog-Sothoth,

914
00:44:32,230 --> 00:44:35,200

the "Lurker at the Threshold,"

915
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:37,130

( thunder crashing )

916
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:42,190

My, my, seems to be

a summer storm coming up,

917
00:44:42,190 --> 00:44:44,160

I trust you all brought

your bumbershoots,

918
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:46,040

( chuckles )

919
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:49,100

Yes, well, I guess that

disposes of the gods,

920
00:44:49,100 --> 00:44:52,120

It reads like an Albanian

vaudeville program, doesn't it?

921
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:54,130

Ladies and gentlemen,

presenting for the first time

922
00:44:54,130 --> 00:44:57,000

on any stage anywhere,

Shub-Niggurath

923
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:58,080

and her performing Cthulhus,

924
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:01,060

( thunder explodes )

925
00:45:09,060 --> 00:45:11,060

PEABODY: Uh, yes, Mr, Lovecraft

926
00:45:11,060 --> 00:45:13,000

without whose esoteric

contributions,

927
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:14,160

no seminar would be complete,

928
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:17,080

- You have a question, sir?

- Yes,

929
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:19,040

Wasn't there a book,

930
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:20,170

a <i>Grand Grimoire,</i>

931
00:45:20,170 --> 00:45:22,210

- a testament?

- Indeed, there was,

932
00:45:22,210 --> 00:45:24,190

Mr, Lovecraft,

indeed, there was,

933
00:45:24,190 --> 00:45:26,160

And through a fortuitous

circumstance

934
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:28,150

I have in my possession,

935
00:45:28,150 --> 00:45:30,110

a copy of it,

936
00:45:30,110 --> 00:45:33,100

( thunder crashes )

937
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:38,150

Sparing no expense,

I bring to you,

938
00:45:38,150 --> 00:45:41,050

direct from the library

of the Miskatonic University,

939
00:45:41,050 --> 00:45:43,030

a manuscript of that

most infamous

940
00:45:43,030 --> 00:45:45,070

of all cabalistic treatises,

941
00:45:45,070 --> 00:45:46,090

<i>The Necronomicon,</i>

942
00:45:46,090 --> 00:45:48,150

by Abdul Alhazred,

943
00:45:48,150 --> 00:45:50,220

translated from the Arabic

into Greek

944
00:45:50,220 --> 00:45:53,100

by Theodorus Philetas, AD 950,

945
00:45:53,100 --> 00:45:55,100

from Greek to Latin

by Olaus Wormius,

946
00:45:55,100 --> 00:45:57,220

AD 1228, black letter edition,

947
00:45:57,220 --> 00:45:59,160

Germany, circa 1400,

948
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,150

What we have here,

my dear students,

949
00:46:01,150 --> 00:46:04,000

is the equivalent

of a paperback edition,

950
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:06,080

but we must be grateful

for small favors

951
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:07,110

since I'm given to understand

952
00:46:07,110 --> 00:46:09,200

that even this is a scarce item,

953
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:12,060

owing to the fact that,

uh, unlike other volumes

954
00:46:12,060 --> 00:46:14,100

of demonology and necromancy,

955
00:46:14,100 --> 00:46:16,200

it was rigidly suppressed down

956
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:19,140

to the centuries,

which serves to prove

957
00:46:19,140 --> 00:46:22,080

that not all fools are out

buying Edsels,

958
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,140

( thunder rumbling )

959
00:46:24,140 --> 00:46:26,130

PEABODY:

This overblown gibberish,

960
00:46:26,130 --> 00:46:28,060

and I have read it all,

961
00:46:28,060 --> 00:46:30,000

is as corruptively harmful

962
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:31,220

as the <i>Farmer's Almanac,</i>

963
00:46:31,220 --> 00:46:34,200

( thunder explodes )

964
00:46:37,230 --> 00:46:40,060

I have selected a few

965
00:46:40,060 --> 00:46:42,130

representative passages

to read aloud to you,

966
00:46:42,130 --> 00:46:43,230

The text itself,

967
00:46:43,230 --> 00:46:45,210

more than any observations

I might offer,

968
00:46:45,210 --> 00:46:48,160

should prove to you just how

imbecilicly laughable

969
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:50,180

this entire religion is,

970
00:46:53,060 --> 00:46:54,130

Uh, Mr, Lovecraft,

971
00:46:54,130 --> 00:46:55,200

you're bestirring

yourself again,

972
00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:58,040

May I anticipate your question?

973
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:00,140

Isn't it written that,,,

974
00:47:00,140 --> 00:47:01,220

PEABODY:

Yes, it is, Mr, Lovecraft,

975
00:47:01,220 --> 00:47:04,010

It is written, and in terribly,

976
00:47:04,010 --> 00:47:05,090

terribly bad penmanship,

977
00:47:05,090 --> 00:47:06,110

I might add,

978
00:47:09,020 --> 00:47:11,160

"All who behold this book

will fall ere

979
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:13,230

to ghastly consequences,"

980
00:47:13,230 --> 00:47:15,210

Whereupon, I can only say,

Mr, Lovecraft,

981
00:47:15,210 --> 00:47:18,020

that having injudiciously

partaken

982
00:47:18,020 --> 00:47:19,100

of the blue plate special

this noon

983
00:47:19,100 --> 00:47:20,190

at the campus cafeteria,

984
00:47:20,190 --> 00:47:22,110

I can imagine no consequences

985
00:47:22,110 --> 00:47:24,200

more ghastly

than the indigestion

986
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:27,100

which is bedeviling me

at the moment,

987
00:47:27,100 --> 00:47:30,110

( thunder crashes )

988
00:47:30,110 --> 00:47:33,070

My, this is unseasonable

weather we're having,

989
00:47:34,130 --> 00:47:36,150

I'm half-tempted

to suspend class

990
00:47:36,150 --> 00:47:39,010

so that we can all go out

and knit snoods

991
00:47:39,010 --> 00:47:40,030

for the strawberry crop,

992
00:47:40,030 --> 00:47:41,160

No, no, no, no

993
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:44,050

I merely said half-tempted,

Steady yourselves,

994
00:47:44,050 --> 00:47:47,030

( thunder crashing )

995
00:47:50,060 --> 00:47:52,140

"Never is it to be thought,

996
00:47:52,140 --> 00:47:54,100

"that man is either oldest

or last

997
00:47:54,100 --> 00:47:56,030

"of the masters of Earth,

998
00:47:56,030 --> 00:47:57,060

"nor that the greater part

999
00:47:57,060 --> 00:48:00,030

"of substances walks alone,

1000
00:48:00,030 --> 00:48:02,010

"The Old Ones were,

1001
00:48:02,010 --> 00:48:04,000

"the Old Ones are,

1002
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,120

"and the Old Ones shall be,

1003
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:08,220

"They walk calm and primal,

1004
00:48:08,220 --> 00:48:10,030

"of no dimension,

1005
00:48:10,030 --> 00:48:12,070

"and to us, unseen,

1006
00:48:12,070 --> 00:48:15,000

"They walk foul

in lonely places

1007
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:16,150

"where the words

have been spoken

1008
00:48:16,150 --> 00:48:18,200

"and the rites howled

through their seasons,

1009
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:20,100

"which are in the blood

1010
00:48:20,100 --> 00:48:23,090

"and differ

from the seasons of man,

1011
00:48:24,230 --> 00:48:27,060

"The winds gibber

with their voices,

1012
00:48:27,060 --> 00:48:29,180

"the earth mutters

with their consciousness,

1013
00:48:29,180 --> 00:48:30,230

"They bend the forest,

1014
00:48:30,230 --> 00:48:33,020

"They raise up the waves,

1015
00:48:33,020 --> 00:48:35,060

"They crush the cities,

1016
00:48:35,060 --> 00:48:37,070

"yet not forest

or oceans or cities

1017
00:48:37,070 --> 00:48:39,160

"beholds the hand that smites,

1018
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:41,150

"As a foulness

shall they be known

1019
00:48:41,150 --> 00:48:43,100

"to the race of man,

1020
00:48:43,100 --> 00:48:47,040

"Their hands are at the throats

of men forever,

1021
00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:49,030

"from the beginning

of known time

1022
00:48:49,030 --> 00:48:51,100

"to the end of time known,

1023
00:48:51,100 --> 00:48:55,020

"Man rules where once

they ruled,

1024
00:48:55,020 --> 00:48:57,090

"Soon, they shall rule again

1025
00:48:57,090 --> 00:48:59,210

"where men rules now,

1026
00:48:59,210 --> 00:49:01,200

"They shall return,

1027
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:03,070

"And on this returning

1028
00:49:03,070 --> 00:49:05,210

"shall Great Cthulhu be free

1029
00:49:05,210 --> 00:49:08,040

"from R'lyeh

beneath the sea,

1030
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:10,090

"And him who is not to be named

1031
00:49:10,090 --> 00:49:12,050

"shall come from his city,

1032
00:49:12,050 --> 00:49:15,000

"which is Carcosa,

near the Lake of Hali,

1033
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:17,180

"And Shub-Niggurath

shall come forth

1034
00:49:17,180 --> 00:49:20,210

"and multiply

in her hideousness,

1035
00:49:20,210 --> 00:49:23,090

"And Nyarlathotep

shall carry the word

1036
00:49:23,090 --> 00:49:25,160

"of the Great Old Ones

and their minions,

1037
00:49:25,160 --> 00:49:28,220

"And Yog-Sothoth,

who is all in one

1038
00:49:28,220 --> 00:49:32,000

"and one in all,

just lay his hand upon that

1039
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:35,020

"who oppose him and destroy,

1040
00:49:35,020 --> 00:49:37,160

"Then, from the black-litten

caverns

1041
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,070

"within the earth

1042
00:49:39,070 --> 00:49:41,010

"where all these chaos

1043
00:49:41,010 --> 00:49:44,020

"and destruction shall come

1044
00:49:44,020 --> 00:49:46,230

"the noxious Azathoth,

1045
00:49:46,230 --> 00:49:48,040

"and together

1046
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:50,030

"they will take possession

1047
00:49:50,030 --> 00:49:53,150

of all things

that live upon Earth,"

1048
00:49:53,150 --> 00:49:56,130

( thunder crashing )

1049
00:50:03,220 --> 00:50:05,100

( woman shrieks )

1050
00:50:05,100 --> 00:50:08,030

( thunder rumbling )

1051
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:20,060

PEABODY: And now, if there

are no further questions,,,

1052
00:50:24,220 --> 00:50:27,200

( music playing )


